Ask a Tim

What's the best line to get strippers to come home with me?

Dear Mr. Houston,

I think the more important question is why would you want to take a stripper home with you, but since that was not the question asked, its not the questions I'll answer.

Strippers are like all women, except that they freely take off pieces of clothing and will grind up against your "member" for money. And like all women they like to feel appreciated. But before we get there, lets start with some simple strip club ettiquette (hey, just because your looking at naked women, it doesn't give you the right to act uncouth):

-Fix yourself up like you are going out to a bar to pick up women
-Don't wear a belt (it can be uncomfortable when they are bumping their "hoo ha" up against your "a-hem", those are industry terms by the way)
-Don't get too drunk
-Bring lots of cash

Now starting out with the above four items will get you started in the right direction to getting some sweet stripper something (probably crabs). But it takes more than looking good and spending lots of money to get a stripper to go anywhere with you other than the champagne room and give you any other number than the one to the local pizza place.

You have to talk to them like they are a girl at a bar. This can be difficult because its not very often that, while at a bar you have a topless girl in a thong on your lap, but it can be done.

And strippers, like most women, are not going to respond to a "line". I'll be honest, I've never actually picked up a woman at a bar and I've never taken a stripper home. But I've seen both done and neither one was done by saying, "I really like that g-string, it would look great balled up on my floor in the morning!"

But, when you get right down to it, strippers are girls too. And all girls like a guy who is smart and attractive, and has a good sense of humor. Appreciate their talents, compliment the way they look, and don't just stare at their boobs (unless she's giving you a dance), and you'll do just as well as you do with other women.

One final note: You will most likely have an easier time picking up a girl at a bar, than you will picking up a stripper. Girls at bars are drunker and typically more likely to fall for your stupid crap. Strippers on the other hand, have been taking $20 "shots" of water all night, are fairly sober, and are used to getting hit on by lecherous men. A girl at a bar, if she doesn't like you, will simply walk away. A stripper who you like, but doesn't like you, will most likely cause you take out a second mortgage on your home.

But Tim, don't you think the stripper has heard/seen all that before? I think you're missing the submitter's point. Strippers are around guys every day. Sure some are obnoxious, but most are nice guys that already do everything you've mentioned here. I think this person is asking "What can I do to set my self apart? To go the extra mile? To really stand out and be irresistible to all stripper-kind?

Once again, I think "Why?" is the better question to be asking. But once again it was not the question asked.

I would say, being a normal guy is the best thing you can do. Try not staring at their naked body. Look them in the eye. Talk to them about their life outside the strip club.

If you can get them to think outside the strip club, then you can get them to think about you outside of the strip club.

If you need more than that, you should check out Maxim.

I can take a stab at the "Why?" question. Maybe Submitter likes more of a challenge than your average stupid slut at the bar. Some guys prefer the journey to the actual conquer (I don't know, gay guys maybe?). Maybe Submitter admires strippers more because she is 20 and putting herself through school with 3 kids at home. Maybe he’s looking for that more independent, knows what she wants type woman. And you know she has little body image issues. Plus any advice that can get you in bed with a stripper will definitely help in the regular bar scene. It's like running with leg weights.

I would say then to the submitter that maybe he needs to resolve his relationship issues in a better, more healthy, manner than having sex with a stripper! (STD's are no way to tell your wife you love her)

There are many great books on the market that will teach you better techniques than you'll ever pick up from an exotic dancer.

In the meantime, focus on the clitoris.