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Ask a Tim
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Wednesday, October 12, 2005
I'm Stalking on Sunshine!
Dear All-Knowing Tim,
This term I have found myself in class at school with a guy I was passively stalking last year. I find myself avoiding working with him in groups and not saying hello when I see him passing by in the hall or computer lab because I don't want to break the stalker-stalkee dynamic. I fear if I talk to him it will ruin it for me. At the same time I don't want him to think I am rude and unfriendly.
This term I have found myself in class at school with a guy I was passively stalking last year. I find myself avoiding working with him in groups and not saying hello when I see him passing by in the hall or computer lab because I don't want to break the stalker-stalkee dynamic. I fear if I talk to him it will ruin it for me. At the same time I don't want him to think I am rude and unfriendly.
What would you do if you were me?
-Too close for comfort
Dear Close,
First off, let me start off by saying good for you for only passively stalking! Putting yourself in situations where you can see someone as they buy their morning coffee, eat their lunch, or being in a hallway they frequent is perfectly fine. Its when you find yourself standing outside their window at night in the pouring down rain that it starts to get a little creepy, so we'll just assume that is not what you are doing!
So obviously, this is a guy that you like, otherwise, you wouldn't be wasting your free time following him around, but now you find yourself in the position to actually meet him and are unsure whether he will meet up to your expectations.
The stalker-stalkee dynamic is a very sensitive one, and being in class with them definitely shakes things up a bit.
My advice would be to go ahead and make yourself available to meeting him. Realize though, that most likely he won't meet up to the ideal you have of him in your mind, but then again, he may. Its much better to challenge that ideal than always have the "what if" scenario rotating through your head.
Also, it sounds like your days of stalking him are over anyway (you said it was last year) so you don't really have a lot to lose either way.
He may indeed turn out to be someone you can really relate to, but if not, there are plenty other eligible men out there for you to stalk!
Who knows, it could end up being a great story... "How did you two meet?" "Oh, I stalked him for about six months, then he ended up being in a class with me!"
Guys do indeed enjoy a girl who can make the first move, so I highly recommend initiating the conversation with him, though you might want to avoid something like, "Man, I just seem to run into you everywhere!" And if he says something like, "Aren't you the girl that was stalking me last year?" just tell him you were stalking his friend instead. Otherwise, he will think of you as that cute, somewhat creepy girl who is always looking at him, but never talks.
Plus, wouldn't you rather know that the person you are stalking is worth the effort?
Take a lesson from the Buddha, go into this without any expectations on the outcome, and you will be nothing but surprised!
Take a lesson from the Buddha, go into this without any expectations on the outcome, and you will be nothing but surprised!
***Did you know*** Although I appreciate the title "all-knowing," its really best not to encourage me! I already think too much of myself as it is!
:: posted by timothy, 8:54 AM
