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Ask a Tim
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Tuesday, October 11, 2005
GOOOO-AAAAAA-LLLLLLL!
Dear Tim,
This morning while taking a walk I saw a "pack" of women "walking their children" in strollers. This led to a question I think only you could answer: Where do soccer moms come from?
Dear Thinker,
Before we can answer where do they come from, we first need to define what they are. Soccer Mom (genus Momus Soccercalis) is a term that was popularized in the late 90's as a genre of voters characterized by their married with children status. They are typically upper-middle class and in the ever dwindling single income family group (characterized by one spouse working, the other staying at home with the kids).
They can be identified by:
-their large SUV's, Volvo's, or minivans covered with stickers about their children,
-their (typically) white, pasty skin, and overprotective nature which is exhibited by staying at little league practice to make sure the coach is being "fair",
-their affair with the pool boy named Pablo,
-and by continuing to shelter their children by fighting their battles for them in college.
This morning while taking a walk I saw a "pack" of women "walking their children" in strollers. This led to a question I think only you could answer: Where do soccer moms come from?
Dear Thinker,
Before we can answer where do they come from, we first need to define what they are. Soccer Mom (genus Momus Soccercalis) is a term that was popularized in the late 90's as a genre of voters characterized by their married with children status. They are typically upper-middle class and in the ever dwindling single income family group (characterized by one spouse working, the other staying at home with the kids).
They can be identified by:
-their large SUV's, Volvo's, or minivans covered with stickers about their children,
-their (typically) white, pasty skin, and overprotective nature which is exhibited by staying at little league practice to make sure the coach is being "fair",
-their affair with the pool boy named Pablo,
-and by continuing to shelter their children by fighting their battles for them in college.
As it gets boring not having something to do everyday, they overschedule their children in activities so they'll have a reason to get out of the house and drink margaritas with their friends at soccer practice, or join the PTA, so they'll have a reason to get out of the house to drink Appletini's with their friends at a school.
Now I know what your asking, "Why soccer, when football is more the American pastime, in fact, American's hate soccer!" We do indeed hate soccer, but it is so much safer for the little tykes than that rough and "rumbly" sport of football. Football leads to nothing but trouble anyway, as it keeps their husbands from taking out the trash, talking about their day, or showering their bored-as-hell wives with affection. So no football for junior!
You see, American voters were tired of politicians pandering to the rich, white males, and by the early 90's, politicians figured that out. It is believed that the term was originated by a woman running for city council in Denver who listed her qualifications as "soccer mom". So politicians jumped on that bandwagon as soon as it drove by and pretty soon that's all we heard about. So instead of pandering to the rich, white males, they decided to broaden their scope and pander to their rich, white wives. The system works!
In answer to your question, "Where do soccer moms come from?" The answer is, they've always been here. If you look back into the antiquities of time, you'll find many examples of them.
Cleopatra was the first. We all know about her role as queen, but did you also know she was her son's den mother in Anubis Scouts!
Joan of Arc is the perfect example of what happens when women are left with unstructured time.
And of course, though Margaret Thatcher was the leader of Great Britain for so many years, she also had time to be head of the PTA for her child's class.
In fact, I believe my mother would have been a soccer mom, though she didn't know it at the time. Odds are, your mother was a soccer mom too!
Cleopatra was the first. We all know about her role as queen, but did you also know she was her son's den mother in Anubis Scouts!
Joan of Arc is the perfect example of what happens when women are left with unstructured time.
And of course, though Margaret Thatcher was the leader of Great Britain for so many years, she also had time to be head of the PTA for her child's class.
In fact, I believe my mother would have been a soccer mom, though she didn't know it at the time. Odds are, your mother was a soccer mom too!
The sad fact is though, that they are a dying breed. As cost of living and gas prices increase, and wages remain stagnant, it is becoming much harder for families to survive on one income.
Can you imagine a world without soccer moms? Grocery stores, empty in the middle of the day! Little league fields, conspicuously empty. And children, growing up on their own, learning to be more independant and make their choices! It brings a shudder, doesn't it!
Can you imagine a world without soccer moms? Grocery stores, empty in the middle of the day! Little league fields, conspicuously empty. And children, growing up on their own, learning to be more independant and make their choices! It brings a shudder, doesn't it!
So here's to soccer moms! They give the freeways a purpose in the middle of the day.
***Did you know*** Soccer mom's exist in other countries, but under different names. For instance in Canada, they are called "hockey moms". So I guess in Mexico they would be called "madres de futbol".
:: posted by timothy, 12:55 PM
